


Forever & Ever

by ununoriginal



Category: LUNA SEA
Genre: Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-17
Updated: 1999-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-14 08:31:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununoriginal/pseuds/ununoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Out from my chaos to grace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever & Ever

He pushed open the door, silently entering the darkened room.  The stark fluorescent lights from the corridor fell across the carpeted floor as he moved in further, bathing the place in a semi-luminescent glow.  Slowly, he approached the equipment, running his fingers almost reverently over the knobs and switches on the control panel, then finally pausing at one to flip it. 

The gentle yellow glow of the light in the recording room instantly streamed in from the glass panel separating the two areas, softening the harsh, virtually colourless feel from moments before.

_[Close your eyes, open your mind_   
_Going back for a moment of time_   
_To those days and take back the eternity_   
_And the hope you felt for sure]_

He sat down on the chair in front of the control panel, a tiny sigh escaping his lips.  If he closed his eyes and let his mind drift, he could almost hear the laughter and joking voices, smell the ever-present cigarette smoke, see in his mind’s eye the oh-so-familiar figure standing before the microphone.  The emotion jabbed at him, involuntary, twisting and clenching at his heart as he opened his eyes once more to the empty reality.

_[Time changes all and strives to change me, too_   
_If we fight, it hurts_   
_If we surrender, we go under_   
_And many people are lost and hurt.]_

The dim glow of the lights acquired a sinister tinge, no longer warm and reassuring.

His hand came down convulsively on that same switch, throwing him into the shadows.  Sitting in the bleak, eerie atmosphere of partial illumination, other sounds came to him.  Angry shouts, curses, furious accusations and the scathing retorts.  The crash of furniture or equipment being shoved around.  The final unforgiving slam of the door.

He slumped slightly in his seat.  Why had they come to this?

Where was all the hope he had harboured before?  He had thought - no, _believed_ \- that they would be able to come together again and rise to greater heights.  A smirk of bitterness graced a mouth more accustomed to seductive pouting. 

The past year had drained him, drained all of them.  Until it was a strain even to carry out a single practise a week.  Thank god they had managed to hold on until after the anniversary. 

After that, they were just all too tired.  J and Ryu too tired of trying to remain civil, of trying to force themselves to settle for second best with each other’s performance.  And Ino, Shinya and himself too tired in the end to mediate and stop their bickering anymore.

_[They let go of their most precious thing]_

He wondered if he was the only one who wasn’t stunned by his own announcement, “Fine!  If you can’t stand each other anymore, let’s just break up!!  We did it before, we can do it again!”  An exhausted cry for peace, flung in the face of their apparently endless quarrels.  What was the point in trying to cling on to the shreds of pretence that they still had it?

The utter silence that followed his outburst was the first time in weeks that he’d felt a relief from a pressure that had been building in his skull.  Tension caused by denying to himself that there was something inherently ‘off’ about where they were heading.  _‘See no evil, hear no evil – speak no evil.’_   The band would still be in Kanagawa today if they lived by that phrase.

The _rightness_ of the statement reverberated within the echoing gap left behind, no one really daring to look at anyone else for fear they would glimpse the same truth in the other’s eyes that was in their hearts.

Each of them left quietly that night.

_[Even if it breaks me into pieces_   
_I want to keep believing,_   
_Keep feeling till it ceases_   
_The eternity deep in my heart]_

A frown creased the smooth brow as he recalled the calm, painfully polite manner in which they discussed their break.  No, of course they would get together again – how could they disappoint their slaves after having made them wait for so long?  But they would not perform as a band again until they had come to terms with each other’s music and performance.  This wasn’t a break for solo purposes – it was for them to search for that spark which had burned so brightly in their hands once so long ago.  A quest for ever-elusive inspiration. 

And if it turned out that they could not recapture the spirit of years gone by?…

_[So remember that body, soul, mind, blood,_   
_Tears, dreams, love, pain, and joy_   
_Cause they're all so precious forever and ever]_

He rose to his feet, shaking away the dismal thought.  He knew he had more faith than that, even if it had been inundated by wave after wave of discouragement.  It was still there inside, buried way down.  He only hoped it would be the same for the others.

Pausing a distance from the doorway, he made a slow turn , taking in the studio again.  They weren’t going to be here for quite some time.  Another sigh escaped him as he prepared to leave.

“You’re going now, Sugizo-san?” the gravelly voice of the old security guard came from outside. 

“Yes, Nakamura-san, I’m leaving soon.”  The twinge again as the unspoken question reared its head: ‘And will we be back?’

“It’s a pity you didn’t come earlier, you’d have caught Ryuichi-san then,” the man added as he brushed passed.

His steps slowed to a halt.  “What?”

“Yes, you young people must have had some communication breakdown.  Coming and going and just missing one another.  You’re the last one, young man.  I was expecting you to come, which was why the room is still unlocked at this hour.” 

A ghost of a genuine smile flitted across his face.  “Yes, I guess we did have a communication breakdown.  But we’re working on it.  Thank you for telling me that, Nakamura.”

The cold night air embraced him as he stepped out of the building into the almost-deserted street, but the spark that had been suddenly rekindled within his heart seemed to give him warmth.  Yes, it was flickering, like a candle wavering in the wind, liable to be snuffed out at any time.  But it was _there_.

And that was enough for now.

He raised his head, gazing at the sliver of sky still visible among all the skyscrapers vying to touch it.  As if on cue, the winds picked up speed, dispersing the clouds previously marring the dark expanse.  The moon cast down its ethereal rays of brilliance upon his upturned face, and the stars shone bright.

_[so bright kagayaite shinji tsuzukete_   
_tonight tabidatou_   
_hikari no naka e_   
_samayoi tsuzuketeiru kawaita kokoro wa_   
_aisaretai to negai hodo kizutsuite_   
_kagirinaku tsuzuku kono michi no saki ni_   
_motomeru sono nanika aru no shinjitai_   
_forever and ever kanau nara_   
_forever and ever mitsuketai_   
_out from my chaos to grace_   
_doko made toberu no ka tashikametakute_   
_forever and ever itsu no hi mo_   
_forever and ever kawaranai]_


End file.
